midnightdemons7

No rest days this week

I realized today that I have something every day and it involves going out. I am so tired. I went to campus three times this week. It took me forever to get there tonight. The red line was delayed soon after it left my station. I left my house around 330 and didn’t get to campus till 515pm. It normally takes me 45 minutes to get there. I was contemplating going home but decided to stick it out. I finally learned something that I understand. I came home and we were moving along until I was four stops away from my station. Then we were delayed. I just wanted to go home and have pizza. My leg was killing me with the swelling and when I took my sock off, there was a sizeable dent in my leg. No wonder it was so painful.

I had therapy today and to my surprise, she didn’t know anything about reasons for living. It is in the safety plan that I avoid because I think it is a guilt trip. She said she is going to look it up. I think I might be smarter than my therapist, or at least more knowledgeable than her. We talked about Honey because this morning I stepped in shit and nearly fell. I didn’t have time to make coffee before therapy. I was too tired to get out of bed. I don’t remember what else we talked about. I went back to sleep afterwards.

When I got up, I had my coffee but nothing to eat. I wasn’t really hungry. I just had one cup because my stomach was starting to get upset. The pup didn’t want to go outside. I petted her and then I brushed my teeth and shaved. I really didn’t feel like shaving but it had to be done or it would have been too long. I like the goatee I have right now. The hair on my chin is filling in nice. Today was shot day so after I shaved, I took it.

Tomorrow I have an appt with my DMH worker in the afternoon. I am planning on going to the grocery store after the appt. I need half and half and I want hot dogs as I have been craving them for some time now. Friday I have an appt at my pcp’s office for my leg swelling. My leg is so painful right now. I hope I can sleep.

Lab on little sleep

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I ended up getting up around 930 to have coffee. I didn’t feel rested at all. I did the prelab and it was nothing like what I thought we were going to be doing. I think I may have done the wrong one.

I got to campus fifteen minutes before lab started. I wore a mask today because when I woke up, I had a wicked sore throat. It went away but I am not feeling my best. I hope I am not getting sick. There were people in the lab that were coughing so I was glad I was wearing a mask. The assignment for today was making DNA into mRNA and then into proteins. I had no clue what we were doing. I did mine wrong so I had to stay and get it right before the TA signed off on me so I could leave. Ugh. I hated it. I finally got it right around 430pm and then I left. I didn’t get home till after 6pm. I made a chicken sandwich for dinner.

It was really nice today. It was warm but not too warm like I was expecting it to be. It rained a little while ago, just complete downpours. It scared the puppy. She kind of cuddled with me and then she didn’t. So I left her.

I resent my email to my teacher for bio asking if I had a preliminary grade. She hasn’t responded and it is ticking me off. My bag was heavy today because I had the lab manual and my laptop in it. I hate when I have to bring my laptop to lab.

My left leg, ankle, and foot have been swelling for more than a week now and it has been pretty painful. I have been wearing my usual socks, athletic crew and the elastic just becomes so damn tight. The indentations lasts for a couple of hours. Today I wore looser socks and my foot still swelled. I messaged my pcp and I will be seeing someone Friday morning. I hope I can get up early. If I do, I might get Starbucks.

Allergies are bad

I got up around 1pm as I didn’t have therapy today. I had some difficulty sleeping last night so I tried to stay in bed for as long as I could. I had my coffee and something to eat. I don’t know if the sandwich I ate or the coffee upset my stomach but it was upset. Water made it worse. I had to take a shower so I did. I did some shaving but only on my face so the goatee looked neater.

My niece was home and fed the puppy. I don’t know if she pooped but it wasn’t while I was home. I left the house around 3 and missed the first bus. I had to stop and rest when I got to the corner and the bus just went past me. I had to wait nearly 25 minutes for the next one. I picked up my meds and got a few drinks. I forgot to buy tissues. My nose has been stuffy all day because of the high pollen count. I can’t stand it. I just used some Flonase to try and clear it up some. The post nasal drip kills me and gags me. I hate this time of year.

I got to campus with an hour before class so I did some notes in my notebook from the slides. We went on to the next chapter and I already know I am going to have trouble with it. I still need to do the prelab for tomorrow. About 45 mins into class, the sun came through the only window in the auditorium and right in my eyes. I had to shield myself so I could see the slides. It was awful.

I got home at a decent time because the trains weren’t delayed. I made a tuna sandwich for dinner. I didn’t know what else to make. The puppy was glad I was home. She is still sleeping on her bed rather than my niece’s so it is kind of difficult to stay in the room. She is comfortable.

The temp went up by the time I went home. It was in the 60s when I left and in the 70s on the way home. Tomorrow is supposed to be in the 80s. I am not going to like that.

No sleep

I was up all night. I had very little sleep and I have been sleepy most of the day. I napped for a little bit but it wasn’t a deep sleep. It was more of a snooze. I got up around noon and had a bagel. I was worried a cup of coffee would upset my stomach but I had it anyway. I was ok. I let the dog out and she scared me. I guess the door blew open and I thought she came inside but she was still outside. She was just laying in the sun.

I cleared off the recycling on my bed. I did my meds. I still have to shower. I haven’t brushed my teeth. I don’t feel like doing any of this stuff. I feel so down. My brain hurts. I feel like a zombie because I didn’t sleep. I am listening to music to try and calm down.

I checked to see if my grades for exam 2 were posted and it was. I got a D so I changed my grade status to pass/fail. I haven’t done any schoolwork today. I am such a bad student. I am going to have some cookies and then hit the books.

I just have class tomorrow and taking care of the puppy. It is supposed to be nice all week. It is cold today though. I hope tomorrow is warmer. I hope I sleep tonight. The puppy got a bath so I will sleep with her tonight possibly.

Last night I was reading this suicide book and it was talking about a life worth living. The writer said that you should come up with reasons for living. I always had difficulty with this because I think it is a guilt trip. I find more reasons for dying. I am going to talk to my therapist about this, if I remember. It’s about CBT stuff. I am not sure she does CBT.