midnightdemons7

Fucking emotions all over the place

I woke up before 9. I tried to get more sleep but I couldn’t so got out of bed around 10. I had my coffee and a breakfast sandwich. I used a creamer instead of sugar so I couldn’t finish the coffee. I didn’t finish the sandwich either. I was on social media or my game until therapy. I was feeling kind of down. Therapy we talked about a little of everything so my emotions were all over the place. I miss my puppy. She is with her daddy right now. I hope he brings her home soon.

I had lunch after therapy and then I made another cup of coffee. For some reason, it didn’t taste right so I didn’t finish it. I used sugar this time. I think I am over this brand of coffee and need to find a new one. It’s hard to find one that I like that doesn’t cost a lot. I had every intention to go out and pick up my meds today but then I laid down and got a migraine. That was the end of going out. It was too bright for me to go out. The sun hurt my eyes. I didn’t get the migraine on the usual side of my head. I got it on my left side. I hate when it switches sides on me. As I was lying down, I got an anxiety attack with palpitations again. This is the third time this has happened in the last few days. I sent a message to my psychiatrist. We’ll see if he responds. I am not hopeful.

There is going to be rain and storms the rest of the week. The storm that was 70% for Thurs is now 100%. That is going to be fun walking in it. I hope I catch it in between downpours and there isn’t flash flooding. My head will be exploding the rest of the week. My allergies have been off the rocker today. I used Flonase to try and break up the post nasal drip but it didn’t do much good. My nose is so itchy. Pollen count is medium. My sinuses have been feeling it too which doesn’t help my headache.

I have been moody most of the day. I sat with my sister tonight after she got home from work. It helped. We talked about random things. She asked if I wanted to go to a Sox game and I said I was boycotting them because of what they did to my “hubby”. I still miss him. I don’t think I will be listening to the game tonight as I am wicked tired and the game doesn’t start until 940pm. They are on the west coast right now. I follow them because they are my team and I love them still even though they kill me sometimes. They have been doing much better the past month and I hope it continues.

A Lazy Sunday

I’ve been up since 530 or so. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I took my morning meds. I stayed in bed till 10 or so. Then I got up to have my coffee. I had leftover cornbread from last night’s dinner so I had that with the coffee. Honey is still with her daddy. I don’t know when he is bringing her back. I hope it is soon.

Around 1230 my sister texted me to come down as they were sitting outside. I took a bag of recycling with me. It was a nice day. My brother in law was doing yard work which made some dust around us. The sun was hard to get away from. I was waiting for my niece to come over. My sister made burgers and hot dogs. I had some. My other sister brought out ice cream after we ate. It was nice. I am full now. I kept track of the game. We won 6-0.

I am tired. I still need to do my meds. I never read last night like I wanted to. I ended up going to bed after the game ended. My allergies are killing me today. Post nasal drip keeps gagging me and no amount of water thins it out. It’s stuck in my throat. I hate it. I did manage to brush my teeth carefully so I wouldn’t gag.

I have been trying to see what my textbooks are going to cost me for the fall and for some reason, I can’t fricken access the information. I had to email the bookstore for help. I tried clearing the history, refreshing the page, but nothing I do is giving me what I want. Ugh.

I am going to try and make it out of the house tomorrow to get my migraine med tomorrow after therapy. I am a day late. Hope this doesn’t cause more headaches. Storms are predicted for Wed and Thurs. I have an appt with my pcp Thurs. I hope it clears up by then.

Saturday Blog 25072026

I slept really late so I didn’t get my meds or my library book. I didn’t want to get up but I was feeling restless. I had some coffee but I didn’t know what I wanted to eat. My sister called me saying she got home from work if I wanted to come down. I missed her all week. I went down after bringing some recycling down.

I didn’t stay too long because they wanted to sit in the sun and I got hot pretty quick. I couldn’t stand the sun being on me. Despite sleeping late, I still feel tired. Game is on but they are losing. I don’t feel like listening today. I feel depressed and sad.

The puppy is supposed to be home soon. I don’t know when though. I hope it is soon as I miss her. It is hot today. My room is hot so I have the AC on. I need cool air. I was tossing and turning most of the night. I had to pee a few times during the night but was able to get back to sleep. I had some weird dreams about the lab and working in research again. It seems to be a recurring dream where I have to get these specimens done to ship out for these researchers but they never tell me where they are going. It’s frustrating.

I want some ice cream. I have been craving it the last few days. I was going to get it today if I went out. But I never did. I will have to go out Mon and get my migraine med as tomorrow’s bus schedule sucks. I am not spending an hour waiting around for the bus. Sox lost. It was a shut out. Thank god they got a hit or it would have been a no hitter. Now I can read my book for a little while before going to bed. I like that I am able to continue reading after finishing a chapter. It’s a short book so I should finish it soon. The series book that I am into is ready for pickup at the library. I will get that on Monday.

Last night I thought about writing another blog and just titling it “grievances”. After my shower, or rather before my shower, my right thigh was hurting and then my lower leg started cramping on me. I was so upset. Seems I am getting more pain lately. Something is wrong with my left shoulder again. It hurts for whatever reason. I think I might have slept wrong on it. Every day I have a new pain somewhere in my body other than my usual places. It makes me depressed. I feel hopeless. I don’t think I am ever not going to feel pain somewhere. The sorrow I feel is so heavy. Been dealing with pain nearly half my life and since I was eight with mental pain. It never goes away. It haunts me. And it makes me want to die.

I am having palpitations and feeling lightheaded. Not sure if it’s anxiety or being dehydrated or both. I don’t remember if I drank yesterday and today I’ve been having to force myself to take some sips. I’ve had my coffee and a smoothie. I didn’t sleep good last night. I woke up around 1am and had sneeze attack. I couldn’t sleep after that. I read my book but couldn’t read more than one chapter. Eventually I fell asleep until bitch sister woke me up. She is an elephant on the stairs. I had to pee. I never went back to sleep.

I figure i go to the library to get my book and the pharmacy to get my migraine med. But it was delayed when my sister wanted me to look out for the concrete guys fixing the walk. They just left when I became lightheaded. I tried taking a nap but kept getting palpitations. I brushed my teeth and shaved. Then felt a spot where I missed. Always miss a spot and can never get a close shave. Sometimes I can get it with my electric shaver. But it sometimes gives me ingrown hairs after.

I keep having a sneeze attack and I don’t know why. Pollen count is less than medium. I think it is scents. My sister has a new hand soap in the bathroom. And my shave gel has a scent.

I got to take a shower. Probably will in an hour. No idea what I’ll wear as my clothes are in the hamper. I don’t feel like doing laundry.

I weighed myself this morning and there was no change. Past three weeks have been the same weight. I know tracking my steps has been difficult as I haven’t been leaving the house that much. If I do go anywhere it is usually with a car. Other than picking up my meds, there hasn’t been a reason to leave the house.

Game is on tonight. It is a nice warm night. Definitely baseball weather.