midnightdemons7

Painsomnia night

I am in pain tonight. I have nerve pain in my leg and pain in my chest. My head also hurts. I took the various pain meds for it and some Ativan. I am having a different area of nerve pain so I don’t know what that is about. I sent a message to my neuro. I also asked her about the shaking and the ulnar nerve being compressed. It seems to happen more when my elbow is bent than when it is straight.

I just want to cry. I feel so bad and there isn’t a reason. I want to take my opioid pain meds but they never allow me to sleep when I take them and I don’t feel like being up all night. I thought of taking trazodone but I don’t want to be sleepy all day tomorrow either. Catch 22.

I am so worried about the final. It’s cumulative so I got to go over everything from chap 1 till what we just covered. I know the bonds and stuff are going to mess me up. And the amino acids.

I am worried about how I am going to be after surgery, if I will be able to sit up like I do or if I need to be in a reclining position. I have told my niece that I won’t be able to care for the puppy while I recover. I am fretting about what kind of food I will be able to eat. I don’t think I will be able to cook myself something so will need maybe frozen dinners or something. The difficult thing is that my pay period is after my surgery and I am pretty much broke until then. I have a small check coming in next week but it needs to go toward my phone bill and another bill. I still need to get the clear liquid stuff. Maybe I can get my sister to take me to the grocery store this weekend just so I will have it around. I don’t know what stuff I will need after surgery like a wedge or something to keep me comfortable. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep on my side. My therapist said that she can call me if I can’t sit up to talk. Thought that was nice of her. I don’t think I will see her the first week of my surgery but the following week. But who knows.

I am trying to stay focused on what I need to do the next couple of weeks before surgery. I need to try and change my sheets and get rid of the recycle bags that are in my room. They keep accumulating because I don’t take them down. I just forget to. If my mind is on it, then I am able to do it but if it isn’t well…nothing happens then. I think I have ADHD a little bit. I haven’t decided if I am going to cut my hair before or after surgery. Probably after because shaving is going to be difficult if I can’t use my muscles. I don’t know if I will need to use that special cleanser for surgery. I guess I will find out when I meet with the surgeon. The pre op call didn’t mention that and I forgot to ask.

I wish my leg would stop hurting. Nerve pain sucks more than any other pain. I might as well take the practice test while I am up. I don’t see myself falling asleep any time soon.

A dreary day

There wasn’t thunderstorms like they said there would be, at least not in my area. But it was cloudy for most of the day. It didn’t start raining until the afternoon, after I came home from my appt. I had to take a cab to it because I woke up late. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t have time for coffee. I just left the house.

The appt went good. My doc said that the cyst was small on my kidney so I just needed an ultrasound to monitor it. She also said she would prescribe me my pain meds that I am taking for surgery. She just needs to let the surgeon know. We discussed a few other things but everything looked good.

After the appt I went grocery shopping. I got cereal and some cottage cheese. If I had a ride home, I probably would have bought more but I had the half and half and milk and a thing of OJ. That was enough to carry home. I also bought some sausage, egg, and cheese biscuits for breakfast. That with the chicken patties should be good. I really want to make my casserole so I can have it for a few days.

I got the call from pre op. I need to be on a clear liquid diet day before surgery. I need to buy some apple juice and more Gatorade. The good news is that I don’t need to stop the weight loss drug. I was worried about restarting it at a high dose. But we are good. I have to be at the hospital at like 545am. Yuck That is going to take some doing. I can continue to drink stuff until two hours before I need to show up. I think I will be peeing all day.

I was hoping to start my studying tonight but I am too tired from my travels. I took a nap so maybe I can stay up a little bit. I have to get my notebook that is downstairs. I will get it in the morning. I plan on doing a couple of hours of studying tomorrow. I am nervous about the final. I don’t think I did too good on the exam last night. There were some hard questions that I didn’t study for. If I get a 60 I will be happy.

I have been feeling down most of the day. I really wasn’t with it when I was meeting with my doctor. I just wanted to go home and be with my puppy. I tried sleeping with the puppy last night but around 1 she decided to leave the bed for the floor so I went up to my room. I had a hard time going to sleep. I kept tossing and turning. I couldn’t get comfortable. And my foot kept getting cold despite me wrapping it in the comforter. I finally took some Ativan. I had heartburn so I had to take some Mylanta too. I forgot to tell my doc about the heartburn I have been having. I swear I will get an ulcer if it continues. The burning is so awful. I have been in such a mood the past few hours. Feel sad. Sox game has no score in the 7^th so far. I don’t think I will ever feel ok again. Just be this sad being.

It was around 54 degrees today and I got really cold. I had to put on a sweatshirt. I needed something heavier than a long sleeve shirt. I don’t know why I got so cold. This was throughout the house, not just in my room. The wind much have been blowing. I hate it. It would be nice if there wasn’t a cold wind every day. I swear it is because of climate change. I don’t ever remember there being this much wind happening.

Short blog today

I woke up early, like 730am and wanted to go out and do stuff. But I felt it was too early so I stayed in bed until 930. I had my coffee and some biscuits. Then I went upstairs and checked the bus schedule. Bus was coming in like 10 mins but I wasn’t ready to get dressed. The next one was in 40 so I decided to take that one.

Except I didn’t. I got the report of my CT scan yesterday and they found something on my spleen and left kidney. I don’t know what they are going to do about it. The spleen thing is benign but the cyst in my kidney doesn’t seem to be. I see my PCP on Thurs so I can talk about it with her. Then I fell asleep for the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t get up till around 6pm. I had something to eat as I was starving.

I had no energy after I slept so I didn’t go to the grocery store. I haven’t studied. I feel like I know what I know and if I don’t, oh well. I feel lousy. I am going to go back to bed. I was going to take a shower but I will tomorrow after therapy.