midnightdemons7

I woke up around 3 am and stayed up. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had around 4 hours of sleep. I think I will be taking a trazodone tonight.

I had one cup of coffee. I meant to have a second but never made it. I hung out with the pup most of the day. I did some studying despite a pup that wanted attention. She has been on me all day. She got a little bit too affectionate and ended up scratching my neck and chest. She was like trying to do biscuits. I had to laugh. She was so funny.

I took a little nap that helped. I am now listening to the ballgame. It just started.

Two classes and a final left

I went to class tonight and had to leave early because it gave me a panic attack with the review of the exam. The translation of 5’ -> 3’ with mRNA and then anti codon messed me up. I just couldn’t come up with the correct answer.

It was cold when I left campus. I was wearing shorts and a tshirt. The temp dropped and it was drizzly. I still had a stomach ache so I just took my meds without food when I came home. I am so tired. I am glad my homework is done. Tomorrow I will be seeing a friend I haven’t seen in more than 20 years. I will finally meet his husband. I cannot wait to see them. We will be going to the North End for some Italian food. I already forgot the restaurant we are going to.

I almost slept through my therapy appt. She called and I was like oh shit. It was like 10 minutes past. My five minutes was twenty. We talked after I logged on which thankfully was quickly. She was concerned about my bouts of suicidality and when I would need more support. I don’t need it right now and I told her so. It isn’t sticking around or lasting long periods of time. I told her on Monday there was a study on safety planning. I still haven’t had a chance to read it. I just been so tired. Last night I couldn’t sleep though. I kept thinking of doing some reading but I know if I do, I will be up an hour or two before I become sleepy enough to sleep.

After therapy I had my neuro appt. I asked her about Alzheimer’s disease as it runs in my family. She said the first thing is to do a cognitive test so she scheduled it after my surgery month. I can’t believe it will happen in a few weeks. I have my CT scan on Mon. It is earlier than I thought it was. I hope I can get a sub before I have to leave for it because I can’t eat two hours before it. I don’t know if I will have to drink contrast or not. I also see my pcp next week. A lot of appts next week.

I hardly slept last night. I just couldn’t sleep. The puppy’s ear was bothering her so she kept jumping off the bed, going to the kitchen, to the stairs, then back on the bed. It was driving me nuts and making me mad because he dumb parents refuse to take her to the vet.

I got up around 11. I had to go give a urine sample and do the ultrasound. I managed to get an appt today. Everything is clear but I still have urgency to go. Last night I had the runs and was scared to sleep in underwear so wore a diaper. I didn’t change when I went to my appt. I was embarrassed.

I came home tired and hungry. I had the Japanese rice dish i like. I had a full liter of water. I tried to nap but my phone kept going off. My bitch sister was pissed at my niece who didn’t have money for dog food so I bought it. I tried listening to the ball game but the app cut out after they scared five runs. It was 8-1 Sox last I heard.

I got two back to back appts tomorrow then class. I need to study but I am so tired. I got no energy and my thinking has been to suicide the past couple of hours. I just don’t want to be here.