midnightdemons7

Not a bad day

I had some weird dreams during the night. All of them had me in a psych ward for being suicidal. I could actually feel the feelings in the dream. In one of them, my mother came to visit during lunch and sat near me. I left the table feeling disgusted. There was a train in the dream but I don’t remember now how it connected to anything other than another patient wanted to jump.

I got up early today, before nine. I had my coffee and then my sister called me saying she was home and did I want coffee. I was up for another cup because I had a migraine by that point. It was raining during the night and there was light rain, more of a sprinkle going on but not thunderstorms like they predicted. I got dressed before going downstairs with my second cup. I figured afterwards I would go to the post office as it was pretty clear. It was wicked humid in the house and kind of sticky outside when I left the house. I came home sweating. I needed a shower. I wasn’t sure if I was going to trim my beard. It is thicker than my hair right now. But I got in a fuck it mood and let it be.

It took me about two hours to finally go in the shower. I was tired after I washed up. I had to sit for a few minutes. I had to then rest on my niece’s bed after I dried off and got dressed. The puppy kept looking at me and when I looked at her she looked away. It was funny. She was ignoring me at times today but then got in an affectionate mood. She scratched my chest with her claws. I kept telling her I wasn’t going anywhere but she kept pawing. She is too funny.

I tried listening to music but my head couldn’t take it. I am torn between contacting my neuro about these headaches as I don’t know when they will end. I have had 5 headaches and two migraines in the last six days. I don’t really want to go on a steroid pack because by the time she orders it, the headaches usually resolve. Next door is doing some kind of construction so I have been hearing hammering all day today. My allergies have been terrible. Which reminds me, I need to replace the tissue box near me as I am out.

My pcp sent me the paperwork I needed for my long term disability. I hope they mailed it but I have it just in case they didn’t. They sent me a copy of it. She also reported that I have severe depression. I didn’t tell them about my therapist because I don’t want my therapy notes in their hands. They have no business knowing about what I say in therapy.

Headaches in a row

My cycle of headaches that come in a row have returned because the weather is crappy. There are storms in the area. Tomorrow we are supposed to have thunderstorms so I am sure I will have another headache tomorrow, if not a migraine.

My sister woke me up when she was getting ready for work. She is so loud in the morning. If I am in a good sleep, I won’t hear her but sometimes I don’t sleep that deep. I had an early start to my day. I got up around 8 or 9, I forget. I wanted to go to the post office and I should have gone because it was sunny. It started to rain after my therapy appt so I didn’t go out.

Therapy was hard today. We talked about my father which lead to me holding on to feelings rather than expressing them. I told her when I first started therapy, it was hard because I was always told what went on in the house should stay in the house. It brought back memories of all the ways I held on to my anger after a huge fight I got into with my sister. I ended up leaving the house and didn’t want to return. I eventually went home late but I never really lost my temper after that day. I held things inside. I was about 14.

After therapy I just hung out with the puppy. We spent the day together and she got upset when I went to my room this evening. She gave me the puppy eyes. I got to get some treats for her. I know that is what she is looking for. I tried to sleep or nap on the bed but I just can’t for some reason. I don’t know if it is because it was my mother’s bed or because the pup keeps getting startled and it startles me so I can’t rest. It was like that the other night when I tried to sleep with her. I did fall asleep for a little bit but then I realized she was sleeping on the floor. I went back up to my room.

I asked my sister if she could take me to the grocery store and she said she would pick the stuff up for me as she had to do something after work. I got dressed for nothing. I was hoping it would stop raining so I could go to the post office but it never did. I feel like shit right now and might end up going to bed early. I already took my night meds. I finished off the casserole today. It was so yummy. I am sad it is gone. I took out a burger for tomorrow. I need to go to that grocery store that has them for $10. I think I have two more burgers left in the freezer.

Father’s day 2026

I slept fairly well despite waking up every few hours to pee. I checked on the puppy each time and tried sleeping with her. I fell asleep on the bed and when I woke up I found her on her dog bed on the floor so went up to my room.

I didn’t get up till noon. I had barely enough half and half for one cup of coffee. My bro in law was supposed to get me more but hasn’t. I will get some tomorrow. There is a Starbucks at the market I go to so I will have a latte when I go.

I got an email from financial aid saying my information is missing. It’s Sunday so I will do the paperwork tomorrow either before or after my therapy appt. Hopefully the new form is out and I can fill it out for my advisor.

I did laundry yesterday and a few things around the house. The pup kept using the kitchen for bathroom duties despite me letting her out. Even today she did again. It is frustrating. I got to bring down the dog poop before my sister comes home or she’ll flip on me. I got to unload the dishwasher and put the stuff in the sink in it.

Red Sox play at 4 today. I am going to try and read my book before the game. They won the last two games. I have gone to bed before the games started because it is a late game. I have a tendency to be up all night if I am later than 10pm.