midnightdemons7

Sleepless night

I had a difficult time sleeping last night. I was awake for most of it. I don’t know what time I finally went to sleep. I have been sleeping on and off all day.

I had my meeting with my psychiatrist yesterday. It went ok. I got some more trazodone. I probably won’t see him again till after my gallbladder surgery. After I met him, I had my therapy appt. We talked about school and things.

I didn’t have coffee today. I had a bowl of cereal. My stomach has been upset since yesterday. I didn’t feel like eating so I took an Ensure with my meds. I spoke with my pcp’s RN. My weight is back up over 200. I am not happy. But then again, I have been eating a lot this week.

I slept most of the afternoon. I was so sleepy. I thought about doing some school work but I think I am going to go to bed. I just feel so tired. My stomach still hurts. I got to drink some fluids as I really haven’t drank anything the past two days. I don’t want to get dehydrated.

Tomorrow I am seeing a friend I haven’t seen in a few years. It will be good to meet up again. I can’t wait.

How did I get so jaded

I had almost eight hours of sleep last night. My sister woke me up, I am guessing around 2 and then I fully woke up to pee at 4. I sort have been up since then but I slept for an hour or two in the morning. I thought I had therapy at 10 so set my alarm but it turns out it is tomorrow afternoon, not today. I have been so messed up today.

I managed to shave, shower and brush my teeth. I had two cups of coffee. The second killed my stomach. I hate that the weight loss drug is taking away my love of coffee. I wanted to get to campus early so I could talk to the teacher but didn’t make it in time. On the way to campus, I was listening to runaway train by soul asylum. It is my favorite song. It resonated with me and I have been playing it on repeat.

I got to campus and just happened to check my student email. The teacher was doing class on zoom and was not going to be on campus. Fucking fuck. I got home just as class started. I wasn’t able to take notes but I listened. It was too cold to stay outside and listen so I walked home from the bus stop. I came home and there was pee all over the kitchen floor. I cleaned it up and just as I was finishing, my bitchy sister came home. I was listening to the zoom and she started bitching about her daughter and the puppy. She wanted me to text her but I don’t know what she wanted as I wasn’t listening. After lecture, I texted my niece. I got no response. She is still not home. I don’t know where she is.

I had Oreos for supper. There was nothing but ham to eat and I wasn’t going to have another day of it. I have been eating a little bit all week. I also had an Ensure because I wasn’t sure how many calories I consumed with the cookies. I couldn’t eat the sleeve like I normally would do. I drank the milk though. I am so very tired. I might have another night of sleeping until the early morning hours. I was asleep by 9pm last night, which is rare for me. Might make it two in a row.

Lab day and two strikes

I set my alarm for 930 so I would get up early to do the prelab but I never got up. Luckily I woke up around 11. I had some coffee and then answered the three questions for the prelab. My therapist had sent me the excused letter for last week. I forwarded it to my TA. I wasn’t going to make the bus so took a lyft to the station.

The train seemed to take forever to get to campus but I got there with an hour to spare. I took my time walking across campus to the lab. When I got in the lab, the TA told me that I have two excused absences now and a third would mean I fail the class. Two strikes basically. Third and I am out. I failed my last prelab and the pedigree assignment. I am now sitting back on an F for lab. The lab was boring today. We did DNA and mRNA stuff. It was long and by like 3pm I wanted to go home (lab started at 2). We had to get checked off today, which was good as we didn’t have to do a report or a worksheet. I think we finished before any other group. I started walking to the bus stop when we did finish, and realized I forgot my jacket. I had to walk back, which tired me out. I had to rest.

Going home was ok. I swear my bag somehow ended up with bricks as it was so heavy on the way home. I decided I was going to have some ham and finish the pasta I had the other night for dinner. My puppy wanted some but I couldn’t give her any. She stuck her little nose into my arm trying to sniff what I had. I had to laugh. I feel like having ice cream but I am way too tired. I just want to lay down. Last night I was listening to the game and fell asleep. It was close to the end anyway but the game was tied. We ended up losing. Today they have a pitcher that hasn’t allowed a hit yet so that is fun. Going to be a quick game.