midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog 27062026

I had another flare up of CRPS last night. I slept very little. I ended up finishing my book, which ended on a cliff hanger so I have to read the next book now. I am starting a new book tonight, Leonard and Hungry Paul. It’s supposed to be good.

Today was sunny and bright. I had the curtain open and it brought in the sun which made it hard to sleep. I got out of bed and closed it. I need to get some duct tape and tape the curtains back. Now my room is darker and I like it.

I got some brain fog going on today. I don’t feel good. I feel really tired. Pain is tiring. I have my room at the right cool temp. I am not wearing a shirt. I wanted to be shirtless. I am feeling kind of sad today for some reason. I feel so useless. I haven’t been eating much the past few days even though I am hungry. Today I just had a bagel and two cups of coffee and I am full. I just don’t want to eat. I bought pizza the other day and was only able to have one slice. I had one for breakfast yesterday. I love cold pizza. It is so good. I wish my mood could be better sometimes. I rather feel nothing than feel depressed. Feeling depressed gets me thinking negative thoughts and feelings. I go down a spiral that is hard to get back up again.

I want to start the new book but I am tired and just want to go to bed. So that is what I am going to do.

Little did I know…

I woke up late this morning. I had weird dreams. None of which caused a headache. So far today, I don’t have one and hope it stays that way. I went to bed early last night because I felt so shitty.

I had a lot of messages on my phone when I got up. I had emails from my advisor. The financial aid paperwork was done and she wanted me to submit it ASAP. So after I had lunch and coffee, I logged on and submitted it. Now I got to hope it is accepted. I am kind of nervous now because I am taking three classes in the fall and even though I think they should be ok, I don’t really know until I get the syllabus. It might be more intense than I think it will be. I can’t imagine the one credit course to be intense though. It meets one day a week. My Mondays are going to be mostly on campus. I just worry that I won’t have time for my online class. I try to stay on top of it but if there is a lot of reading, it might be tough. I know the American Revolution class is going to be reading and honestly, I can’t wait.

I don’t have plans today other than reading my book. It is warm today. I just got the electric bill and running two ACs have caused it to be high. I am hoping I can get my groceries this month. But I have to wait until my bills clear, which won’t be until the 6^th this month because of the holiday.

I brought the puppy outside as she came in my room and was whining. I didn’t know what she wanted. I gave her some carrots but all she did was litter them around the house. I put her on the porch but then she came back in whining again. So to the yard I brought her. I would have walked her but I didn’t feel like it. When I couldn’t stand being outside anymore because of the heat, I took her in. We stayed on the porch until her daddy came. Now she is happy.

No sleep due to pain

I had a CRPS flare last night that has continued through today. I have been in pain all day. I slept for a few hours and then woke up at 130am. I never went back to sleep. I tried napping a few times today but couldn’t fall asleep as I had dates to keep. I had ordered my groceries, talked to my friend in Scotland, and then had therapy. It was a busy day.

In therapy, I felt so depressed and lifeless. We talked about the weird dreams I had the other night. It didn’t make any sense. I told her I felt sad after our session. She asked what I could do to distract myself. I couldn’t think of anything. I have been listening to music and playing with the puppy but I still feel down. I can’t seem to get out of this funk and I know it is because I am in pain and haven’t slept.

I haven’t done anything after therapy. I tried to get the puppy’s attention but she wouldn’t have anything to do with me for some reason. When my sister came home, she said grabbed the leash and she will go out. I hesitantly did so, thinking she would hide but she came down the stairs and we went out for a bit. Didn’t walk more than a house or two away then I took her in the backyard. She did well there. I got tired after a while and my ankle was really hurting me so I went upstairs.

Sox lost again, second game in a row where they had the lead and gave it up. Fuckers. I am so mad. Tomorrow I am not doing anything. I am going to try and read my book most of the day so I can finish it. I am more than half way through it. I just wish I didn’t have to stop after I finished a chapter. I don’t know why I do this. It’s like I have to process what I read before I can go to the next chapter or something. It annoys me.