midnightdemons7

Patient Zero

I have been listening to patient zero for the last half hour or so. It is stuck in my head. It is a cool song. I haven’t seen the music video of it yet. My stupid youtube search shows just the lyric video.

I woke up three times to pee during the early morning. I slept mostly through the night. I had weird fucking dreams. I kept dreaming I had a car and I had to correct the year it was made. The car was a Toyota Yaris. I have never owned a Yaris. I have owned a Tercel. I loved that car but it fell apart and I had to junk it.

Rookie just got pulled from the roster because of a worsening of his hand injury. Ugh. I know they are going to lose tonight. Sonny doesn’t have confidence in himself. Last night was a huge loss. Snakes starting pitcher had all his stuff and was blowing us away. By the time the 8^th inning hit, I think we only had about 4 base runners, 2 hits and 2 walks. That was it. Tough game.

I had my class on zoom and my stupid internet was giving me trouble. The professor was speaking but her movement was still, so I could hear her but not see her. This is why I always type my blogs on Word or try to. I will use the app some days. Class was good. Next week is the Tea Party day. I can’t believe it a month of class is behind us. I got to finagle how I am going to have a zoom class and then go to my other class on Mon. I think my other class’s classroom is empty so I should be able to use it for zoom. At least I hope so. We’ll see.

I was only able to eat half a sandwich for lunch. My stomach is feel so full. I only had coffee and a small piece of coffeecake for breakfast. My stomach is all over the place. I am either eating too much or small amounts. I took the puppy for a short walk after I ate. She didn’t want to go outside but did want to go for a walk. She peed three times while we were out. I will never understand dog bladders. I never would be able to do that unless I had some medical problem with my bladder.

Terminal weakness

I had wicked pain last night that kept me up most of the night. I had some sleep for an hour or two and then I would be up for a few more hours. Nothing was working for me and the pain was a 10 most of the time. I some how managed to sleep with the light on. I woke up to it on. I don’t know what time I fell asleep. I was so depressed last night. I woke up feeling depressed too. I haven’t done nothing all day. I slept until noon or so. I thought about going into Boston but my damn calf was still hurting me and I didn’t feel like walking from North Station to my DMH worker’s office.

I had a good talk with her. I told her one of my classes that was anti-tech is now tech because our classroom is flooded due to the storm. I won’t be going out tomorrow either. I will have zoom. I tried to do the assignment and it wasn’t posted on the web. So I stopped doing it. I will try again tomorrow. Then I checked the 1 credit course homework and there was nothing listed. I was like WTF. Now I have no clue what is going on in class. Ugh. I should have gone yesterday.

I am in pain right now. My chest and shoulder hurt. It is muscle aches. I also think because I am sleeping on a different pillow, it is straining my muscles. I can’t help it. I am comfortable with it and it helps my stomachache. Lately everything I eat bothers me. Today I didn’t eat too much.

The game is just starting and I am a nervous wreck. Tolle doesn’t start for another half inning. But I am just worried about the snakes pitcher starting tonight. He is nasty and I don’t like him.

Went out for some wings

I’ve been down most of the day. I was able to shower this morning before therapy. I had coffee when I got dressed. I felt good about showering and being able to brush my teeth. I had a good session with my therapist. She tried to use a CBT worksheet with me but it was too much for my brain. I don’t even remember half of it but it was a lot. She is going to go to something simpler. I told her if we can start with the thoughts, behavior, and feelings that would be a good start. She didn’t think I would go to class today but I tried. I didn’t end up going because of the bus schedule not being in sync. I would have been late to class.

I tried napping but it didn’t happen. I just ended up playing games on my phone. I hate the leftovers that I had from yesterday. My sister texted me asking if I wanted to go to the Pub and I had just finished eating. But went anyway to have a drink. I brought some wings home for tomorrow.

I messaged my pcp about my back because I am still getting spasms and some sciatica, which is more painful than the spasms. They called and I got an appt with her in a couple of weeks. I am glad I am seeing her because I really like my pcp. She assured me that I don’t have CES again. I know I don’t but with my discs being so fucked up, all it takes is sneezing or coughing the wrong way to hurt myself. I keep having calf pain and I know that is because I have been walking more.

Sitting on the stool at the bar really hurt my calf and foot. I am in so much pain right now. I don’t know if I should take a pain med. I need to see my DMH case worker tomorrow. I want to see her and have Starbucks. I still have some money left on the gift card I got. It will be in the afternoon so perfect for having a mocha.

I don’t know if there will be class on Wed as the lower level of the library where we have our class was damaged by the storm. I emailed the professor but haven’t heard back from her yet.

My favorite rookie is starting tomorrow and I am wicked nervous. They have their best pitcher against this rookie. Ugh. I am so looking forward to this game. I just hope I can be up for all 9 innings…

I didn’t sleep good last night because I was in pain. I kept dozing off but wouldn’t sleep. I didn’t have coffee or tea. I had something to eat.

I got an email from my history professor class is canceled tomorrow. I am debating going to the networking class. I did all my assignments in the early morning as I was up. I felt dizzy most of the day. I think it is because I am sleep deprived. It is still cold in my room as it’s still kind of windy out.

I needed to shower today and I didn’t. I will tomorrow. I set the alarm for 8. That should give me enough time. I don’t have to leave early. I have given up shaving. I am going to let my hair and beard grow in.

I got a lot of appts this week. Every day there is something. I am going to be tired come Fri. Just hope the brain fog and headaches are gone by then. I see neuro NP Fri. I see my DMH worker Tues. I am hoping to see her in person so I can get a Starbucks drink. I got a gift card. I am wicked stressed over my finances. I still need to put money on my Tpass and get my weight loss drug. I think I’ve gained more weight because I’ve been eating more. I just feel hungry all the time.

I still feel suicidal at times. Listening to music has helped. Last night I was listening to Terri Clark. I love her. I haven’t listened to music today because my head hurts. Hope i feel better tomorrow.