midnightdemons7

Pain is exhausting

I had weird dreams last night. Two of them had to do with me being pregnant and being due. The other one was of trying to remember my doctors that I have seen for my surgeries for a referral. I kept having to need my phone and go places. It was strange. I didn’t get up till about noon. I didn’t sleep during the night. I was up like at 230 and couldn’t go back to sleep. My foot didn’t hurt as much and I thought the flare was getting better but today the bones started to ache and it was downhill after that.

I ordered some groceries and all I got was my Powerade. My food choices were not available. I will have to go to the store to get them. I forgot water and tried to add it to my order but I couldn’t so I made another order. Bringing them upstairs was hard. I had taken a shower and it threw my back into a fit. I wasn’t even washed up yet. I just washed my hair and face when it freaked out. I had to sit to wash up. My sister needed help bringing down the recycle. I brought one item and I was done. My back couldn’t take anymore. It wasn’t even heavy.

I am so tired. I had a cup of coffee at 430pm thinking it would keep me awake for the game as I was just dragging. I had my T shot and didn’t cover it fast enough so got blood on my sheets. I will be changing them this weekend. After the shot, I felt exhausted. I tried taking a nap today with the pup as she was needy but I couldn’t rest. She was anxious and kept popping up to see what all the noise was. The construction across the way from me kept dropping shit or at least that is what it sounded like. They have been doing work on the house and now are building an additional space that is huge and at least a 2 decker. They are finally putting on the roof. All I know is I wish there was some place for me to go so I can escape the hammering and sawing.

All I have had to eat today was a bagel and some cookies. I didn’t feel like making dinner. I also have not drank anything other than coffee. I feel a little lightheaded. It is making the feeling of tiredness worse. I just turned on the AC and so far it hasn’t affected my foot. I hope I don’t have to take a pain med because my bowels are backed up. If I don’t go tomorrow, I will have to take miralax again and that may cause another blowout. I didn’t take senna tonight because I am going out tomorrow. I got to see my neuro. Hope I am up early enough. I got to get used to being up around 9 as my classes are at noon and I will need to leave around 10 to be on campus. I have a hard time getting up in the morning. It is going to be a struggle to be in class.

A cuddling day

I got up this morning to pee and then I laid down with the puppy. I stayed in bed with her and we cuddled. It was so good. The weather was crappy outside so I couldn’t let her out. She didn’t drink too much during the day. I didn’t get up till around 4pm. I had coffee and some cookies. I also made a bagel. That is all I have eaten today. I am not too hungry.

My CRPS pain is still bothering me. I hardly slept Monday night. I talked to my pcp’s nurse and they said I could take my pain meds a little more for the next few days. I didn’t need it last night as the pain wasn’t too bad. I ended up going to bed early and waking up around midnight. I read for a while. But it was hard going back to sleep. I am glad today was a rainy day so I could just stay in bed.

I still feel down. I can’t seem to get out of the funk. Being in pain every day hasn’t helped my mood. I just feel out of sorts. I haven’t left the house in some time. Maybe if the weather is better tomorrow, I will go out. I need to get my weight loss drug from the pharmacy anyways. It isn’t ready yet but it should be. I will call tomorrow and find out when will it be ready.

I have my feet under the blanket and sheets and they are frozen. I hate when my feet are cold. I won’t be able to sleep. I might have to put some socks on. It is cool today so I don’t have the AC on just the ceiling fan. I wish the temps would stay this way the rest of the summer. I hate the heat.

Sunday Blues 05072026

I have been feeling down most of the day. Last night I was in a dark place again. I felt like I was being pulled underwater. I just couldn’t stay afloat. I had some suicidal thoughts. I didn’t act or plan. I tried listening to music but I really just wanted to sleep. The sox were winning. They are on the west coast so it has been hard to keep up with the game when all I want to do is go to bed. I am getting bored with social media though today, finally, I saw Taylor’s wedding dress with Travis. All the pics I have been seeing have only been of her in different dresses.

My CRPS foot has been hurting me all day. The fan air hit it this morning and you would think it was a fucking hammer hitting my bones. The pain drives me crazy. Now that it is close to bed time, I took a pain med.

I cleaned up my bed some. It is a mess again. But all the recycled is picked up. I just need to bring the bag to the bin. I need to be better about bringing it down rather than have it pile up. I did my meds for the week. I need to pay attention to what I am taking. It is too early right now to take my night meds. Too early for the game so I am going to read my book for a bit. I thought it was boring but it is getting interesting. I am kind of liking it. I can’t figure out if it is British or Australian.

I didn’t sleep very well last night because of the fireworks. Some idiots were firing them off well past midnight. I shut the AC off and that just made the noise louder. I slept a couple of hours in the late morning. I am glad I have therapy tomorrow. I don’t think I am going to meet twice this week. There is nothing really to discuss the second meeting as things don’t change that much. Only other appt this week is neuro for a cognitive test. Of course it is supposed to be 90 that day.

I want ice cream. I wonder if my bitch sister had the last ice cream sandwich I bought…