midnightdemons7

In a Pandora mood

I am listening to Pandora as I don’t feel like listening to my music right now. I have had an easy day despite not sleeping all night. I just couldn’t sleep for whatever reason. I took my weight this morning before taking the weight loss drug. I lost about three pounds. That made me happy for a little bit.

I got up around 1pm for coffee and to have a corn muffin. I wasn’t very hungry. I played my game. I have been doing that most of the day. After my coffee, I took a nap. I was just so tired. I got up again around 530 to have dinner. I made some chicken sandwiches. I made two but I didn’t finish the second one. I then took the Latuda. I had already took the steroid pill as I got to take it with food. I had shaved after coffee and then after dinner, I showered. I feel a little better now than I did before.

I need to go over chap 2 slides. I started going through it last night when I couldn’t sleep but I really wasn’t taking the information in. I tried remembering mass and atomic weight and kept getting confused. It’s supposed to snow heavy on Mon. I hope classes are canceled. I might not go in if it’s bad out, even if they don’t cancel.

I haven’t done anything today but sleep. I am glad I showered. I miss my puppy. She is still with her daddy. I am hoping she comes home this weekend. But it might not happen. I hope she is doing ok.

All I forgot

I have a new song that I got the other day by Ashley Cooke and one of the Jonas brothers. I think it’s Joe but I am not sure. It is a good song. I went grocery shopping today and then I had therapy. It was a good therapy session. She thinks I should have a reward system when I finish reading or doing school work. I don’t know what that could be that isn’t food related. I was thinking chocolate but I am trying to lose weight.

I brought down some of my recycling that was on the bed. I got to find one of my meds that is a mail order. I am running low on pills and I can’t remember if I got it filled or not. I still need to shave and/or shower. I haven’t decided what I am going to do yet. I really don’t feel like doing anything. I got another headache. I have been drinking water most of the day and trying to keep hydrated. There is a storm coming this weekend, supposedly. It was supposed to be Sat now it’s Sun to Mon but it could be pushed out to sea. Either way, the pressure is killing me. I started the steroid pack today. So far I have been good and haven’t missed a dose.

I am feeling like I want to die. I have so much to do and I just feel stuck to do it. I am stressing out about class. The exam has been moved but now there are four chapters to cover and I need to know what makes an amino acid. My brain is fried or in a fog. Other than when it gives me headaches/migraines. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. The funny part is I got a school email that told me I have enough credits to graduate (I don’t but I am getting there). Apparently once I do have the credits (in like 2 years), I have to go through a review process and that costs like $200 to graduate. And I know I am only like 4 weeks into this semester but I am already thinking about what to take in the fall. I still need to take a 400 level psych class and some elective. I also think I need to take a social/behavioral science class for requirements. My degree feel so far out of reach but I keep plugging away. It is so draining me but I want to do this. The hope was to have it done by the time I was 50 but it is looking closer to 52 or 53.

I am really tired. Last night I went on Hulu to watch something to settle down and that didn’t work. By midnight I wanted to binge Cheers, the TV show. I just love Shelley Long. She is so funny. I am going to watch a couple episodes tonight after I review chapter 1. I just took my night meds. I got to be more conscious about my meds at night because I forgot to take them Sunday. I know I shut the alarm off and then I got distracted. Never took my meds. I hope my headache settles down. I took some ibuprofen. I am out of Tylenol, my go to. I am going to try and steal some from my sister.

Feeling better today

I slept pretty good once I fell asleep. It took a long time. I didn’t get up till after 1pm. I didn’t mean to get up so late but I had a hard time getting up. My neuro called in the steroid pack. I will be starting it tomorrow.

I had my coffee and I made a tuna sandwich for lunch. I still had some time before needing to get dressed and catching the bus. I made sure to leave early so I could get my meds. There was a slight delay with the train. I still got to campus early. The teacher postponed the exam till Mar 2^nd. I felt a relief. Of course this means more material we will cover. On the way home, my headache came back. I am out of straight Tylenol. I just have Excedrin and ibuprofen.

I asked my therapist for another session so I am having it tomorrow afternoon. I need the support right now. My depression is so bad. I need to shower again. I will do it tomorrow I think after I shave my head. I need to have my cousin shave my neck. Maybe I can have him do it on Sunday. Tomorrow he is taking me grocery shopping. I need to get a couple of things.

I had missed the bus on the way home so had to wait a half hour for the next one. The wind was making everything cold. There was a warning of black ice but I don’t think it was in my area. I was careful walking home. Looked like the city removed some snow on the main street. Too bad it didn’t remove the snow that was in the middle of the street. I had to walk on it when I crossed the street from the bus stop. Thankfully, it wasn’t icy. I am still thawing out. My leg is cold.

I hope this headache is gone by tomorrow. I hope it is because I am tired. I hope I don’t have any dreams. I took Benadryl last night to sleep. It helps. I am up late tonight because I came home late. I had to eat something for the Latuda. Now I am wondering when I will be tired enough for sleep. I wish there was a movie I could watch. Maybe there is something on Hulu. I want to get into the new Star Trek: Starfleet Academy because Holly Hunter plays in it. I love her in Saving Grace. It was a sad series though. I think it was like 2 or 3 seasons.

A day of pain

I was up most of the night because of a damn headache that continued all day. I decided not to go to lab. I am failing it anyways. One day isn’t going to hurt me. I sent in my lab report and I was thinking about it all night. I thought about resubmitting it but I don’t know if that is allowed.

I had some coffee and I need to go to the grocery store for more half and half. I am almost out. I didn’t go out today. I would have but one of my meds came earlier than expected and I don’t have enough money for it. I was expecting it next week.

I got a message from my psychiatrist back and I swear he is useless. He wants me to go to my pcp for sleep study. That isn’t the fucking problem. He makes me so mad. My neuro got back to me. She wants to start me on a steroid pack to try and break this cycle. She hasn’t responded to my response.

I have been trying to see my baby sister for the past week and it has been difficult because I have class and she has a social life. Last weekend was her anniversary so she went away for a few days. And we live in the same house. I have seen the bitchy sister more than her.

I got to read tonight. I don’t know if I am going to re-read chap 2 or start chap 6. I have my first exam on Monday. I am nervous about it because it covers three chapters. Tomorrow is going to snow/rain in the evening so coming home from class is going to be fun. I hope I feel better tomorrow. Right now I feel so shitty. I shaved my head so that made me feel a little better. I just feel like I am in a fog.