midnightdemons7

No sleep

I was up all night. I had very little sleep and I have been sleepy most of the day. I napped for a little bit but it wasn’t a deep sleep. It was more of a snooze. I got up around noon and had a bagel. I was worried a cup of coffee would upset my stomach but I had it anyway. I was ok. I let the dog out and she scared me. I guess the door blew open and I thought she came inside but she was still outside. She was just laying in the sun.

I cleared off the recycling on my bed. I did my meds. I still have to shower. I haven’t brushed my teeth. I don’t feel like doing any of this stuff. I feel so down. My brain hurts. I feel like a zombie because I didn’t sleep. I am listening to music to try and calm down.

I checked to see if my grades for exam 2 were posted and it was. I got a D so I changed my grade status to pass/fail. I haven’t done any schoolwork today. I am such a bad student. I am going to have some cookies and then hit the books.

I just have class tomorrow and taking care of the puppy. It is supposed to be nice all week. It is cold today though. I hope tomorrow is warmer. I hope I sleep tonight. The puppy got a bath so I will sleep with her tonight possibly.

Last night I was reading this suicide book and it was talking about a life worth living. The writer said that you should come up with reasons for living. I always had difficulty with this because I think it is a guilt trip. I find more reasons for dying. I am going to talk to my therapist about this, if I remember. It’s about CBT stuff. I am not sure she does CBT.

Saturday Blog 11042026

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I woke up around 2 to pee and found it difficult to go back to sleep. Around 4 or 5 I was able to. Then I woke up around 8. I should have stayed up as I had to meet a friend, but I was so tired I went back to sleep. My friend texted me that she was here and I was like oh shit. I took a lyft to meet her.

It was so good seeing her. We talked for about an hour. She hated driving so I don’t think she will come back up this way. She will be moving to a town that has commuter rail so I can visit her then.

I came home and had to lie down. I rested for about two hours. I need to shave my head and shower but don’t have the energy to do it. Plus my sister has washed the inner lining of the shower curtain and hasn’t put it back up yet so I couldn’t shower even if I had the energy.

It is going to be nice all week. Today was a good day but the wind made things cold. Tues is expected to reach 80. I don’t know if I am ready for that. The rest of the week will be in the 70s which I can handle.

My sister told me today that if I clear my bed off the puppy might stay in my room. Yeah. I have been trying to clear my bed off for more than a year and have not been successful. The puppy has been left behind again. Her parents left this morning and I don’t think will return. I might sleep with the puppy tonight so she won’t be alone.

I got to read the chapter we are on. I don’t know if I will be able to as I am struggling to stay awake. I don’t know why I am so tired today. I had Starbucks instead of coffee. It was good but I couldn’t finish it as I was full. My stomach was also bothering me today. Tomorrow is my aunt’s birthday and I got invited to go to the restaurant. I don’t know if I should go because my stomach hurts every time I eat. It’s at 1130 so I might not be up at that time. We’ll see.

Sleepless night

I had a difficult time sleeping last night. I was awake for most of it. I don’t know what time I finally went to sleep. I have been sleeping on and off all day.

I had my meeting with my psychiatrist yesterday. It went ok. I got some more trazodone. I probably won’t see him again till after my gallbladder surgery. After I met him, I had my therapy appt. We talked about school and things.

I didn’t have coffee today. I had a bowl of cereal. My stomach has been upset since yesterday. I didn’t feel like eating so I took an Ensure with my meds. I spoke with my pcp’s RN. My weight is back up over 200. I am not happy. But then again, I have been eating a lot this week.

I slept most of the afternoon. I was so sleepy. I thought about doing some school work but I think I am going to go to bed. I just feel so tired. My stomach still hurts. I got to drink some fluids as I really haven’t drank anything the past two days. I don’t want to get dehydrated.

Tomorrow I am seeing a friend I haven’t seen in a few years. It will be good to meet up again. I can’t wait.