midnightdemons7

Slept late on a Sunday

Today is Superbowl Sunday. My Pats are playing. I can’t wait till game time. I am hoping I can watch it with my brother in law as I don’t have a TV. Otherwise, I will just keep tabs on the game via the app.

I just put in a load of laundry. I left my phone downstairs. I need to shave my head today. I am finding that when I use the shaving cream, I get a closer shave, which is nice. I am drinking fluids today because I didn’t drink much yesterday. I had two cups of coffee today. I haven’t eaten anything as I am not really hungry. My niece has some mac and cheese that she made. I might have some of that later.

I feel totally depressed and I don’t know why. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but my psychiatrist lowered the Latuda by 30 mg. I feel on edge as I watch for unusual thinking and stuff. I remember when I was in the catatonic state they had me on 40 mg but I don’t think I was taking it consistently.

It is really cold today and last night between the wind and the heat, I had a hard time falling asleep. I have been seriously thinking about getting earplugs. It is kind of quiet now. I still feel sleepy. Last night I did my homework and got a C. I will do the other homework today and see what I get. I read the PDF that was assigned that made things simpler but I didn’t see how it was graded or how you got credit for it.

Tomorrow I got to pick up my library book. It is a trans memoir. My other book will have to wait.

I got a migraine last night and I still got some pressure in my head today. It’s weird that I am not hungry. Maybe I will drink an Ensure today. I have to bring it up to my room. It has been sitting near my living room since I bought it. I am not sure what I am going to do today as I don’t feel right. I got to do my meds for the week. I don’t know what I am going to do about night meds as I don’t want to get diarrhea again. I took magnesium last night so I am waiting to see if I have a bowel movement. It is such a balancing act for my bowels.

Yesterday marked 25 years since I had my CES surgery. I honestly didn’t think I was going to walk again. I am grateful that I can as I know a lot of people who can’t. One thing I learned is not to take it for granted. It was a long road to learn to walk again and I had to do it three times in my life. Each time was difficult. And the pain that went with it was even harder. For 25 years I have been in pain in one way or the other. On top of having mental illness, which is its own kind of pain.

Sleepy day and depressed

I’ve been cuddling with the dog most of the day, sleeping in my niece’s bed. It is cold in the house for some reason. Heat is on so I don’t understand it. It was making a lot of fucking noise and the whistling of the vents were really annoying me. I got a migraine right now. I took my meds and some Excedrin. I was able to shave my head today but didn’t shower. I haven’t showered all week. I need to tomorrow.

I had just woken up when it was time for my DMH worker’s appt. We rescheduled for next week at a later time in the afternoon. I don’t know why I am so damn sleepy. I am depressed. I got a reply from my therapist who was thankful I sent her the message and will be talking more about it on Mon.

I got homework to do tomorrow. I got a lot of stuff to do. I need to wash my jeans and a few sweatshirts that I have been wearing the past few weeks. I also got a new Tshirt and UMB sweatshirt that needs to be washed. I still need to clear my fucking bed off. I lost the motivation to do it. I just haven’t been feeling right. I think I am a little dehydrated and I have been trying to drink fluids today but have only drank so much. I feel out of sorts and with the depression, I just want to stay in bed. The puppy cuddled with me and put her head on my legs.

I need to figure out how to change the log in process as somehow the PIN method got changed to passkey and I don’t know what the passkey is because I never created it. When I click on it, it gives me a QR code that doesn’t do anything and the stupid reader keeps popping up with ads. I have to sign in with my gmail account to get the code. It is so frustrating.

I took the weight loss drug today but I didn’t weigh myself this morning because I had a lot of food yesterday and I didn’t want to know if I gained weight again. I am getting discouraged with my weight going up and down. It isn’t a lot, just a few pounds but it is the same few pounds I am gaining and losing. I ate good food today. I had pasta and some Shepard’s pie that I made last night. I also had two cups of coffee. I needed the coffee. My brain wasn’t going to work without it. I miss drinking Starbucks espresso. I hate that I can’t order it and get rewards for it because I don’t go to a store. It would so help me during class. I have been thinking about going a different way to campus just so I can go to the store and then to the redline. But drinking it will mean not wearing my mask and with the flu season at its peak right now, I am too afraid of going without.

Rest day

I tried to sleep till noon but it didn’t happen. I woke up when my med alarm went off and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just stayed in bed. My legs are sore. I have diarrhea and I feel lousy. I messaged my doc and she wants me to drink a lot of water and Gatorade. I bought the rehydration stuff that I like as I wasn’t going to CVS today. Walgreens doesn’t sell it. I am glad Star Market does. I got some other things.

I have been laying with the puppy most of the day to rest. The little shit took up the whole full bed. I had a little space to lay. But she cuddled with me so that was ok. I took some pics of her on me to remember it. She looks like a puppy still even though she is a year old. She is a young dog. She hasn’t peed or crapped yet. But then she hasn’t eaten or drank anything either. She doesn’t when her mother isn’t home. She is a weird dog. I tried to get her to go out but she kept turning around when I opened the door.

I had my appt with my psychiatrist today. He decided to decrease the Latuda to 30 mg to see if that lessens the fatigue and tiredness I feel. I made Shepard’s Pie for dinner. It is cooling off right now. I will have some when I finish the blog. I forgot to get gravy so I hope it isn’t dry. I used roasted garlic protein mashed potatoes. They tasted ok. Not as garlicky as I thought they would be.

I have been sneezing most of the day. It is driving me crazy. I hope to watch the Muppet Show before bed. I wanted to watch it last night but I needed sleep. I took some Ativan and fell asleep within an hour. I did wake up around 330am to pee but I was able to get back to sleep. Right now I got to keep my fluid intake up. If I get lightheaded again, I need to go to the ED per my pcp. I don’t know what is causing the diarrhea. I thought it was the senna but I didn’t take it last night. I took magnesium so I took that out of my box for tonight. I am eating different foods so not sure if it is a food thing or a supplement issue. I need a shower so bad but I am too tired. I will try and take one tomorrow. I am seeing my DMH worker tomorrow, or at least I am going to try and go into Boston. I plan on walking to the T stop that is a half mile away from me. I will have the weekend to rest.